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This week-end I met my dad after a really long pause and my daughters seamed to feel like he is a stranger. And that hurt.

So today I decided to talk about the 1 thing I have found to be important in building a happy marriage. My life long dream and a crisis year in our marriage have lead me to read a lot about relationships. One of the resources I find really reliable is The Gottman Institute.

Commitment

And the main researcher John M. Gottman, PH.


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Multiple impressive studies suggest that keeping relationships happy will result in you having a better life! According to The Gottman Institute:.

What is the #1 thing to do to make your marriage happy?

Waldinger suggests that building warm and strong relationships makes us happier, healthier and wealthier. For men, the determining factor is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couple's friendship. When I feel like we are best friends with my husband, I feel happy, satisfied and passionate. And I want to be his best friend and that makes us laugh, solve our conflicts, trust each other and be happy together. Here is some more on why that is so from P. I love you :.

Of course not; you would you pick off the onions, make a joke about onion breath at the office, and thank her for buying lunch. The positivity bias of a friendship makes it easy to look past mistakes or small frustrations. Happily married couples find a way to calm each other down when an argument is escalating, either by making a joke, apologizing, offering a warm embrace, or simply by acknowledging that you both need some time to walk away and cool down.

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They also never make you feel bad if they pay more than you because they recognize the other ways you contribute to the partnership i. While it may seem uneven at the time, best-friend-first couples trust that this temporary imbalance of effort will even out over the course of their lifetime. I don't feel envy, but whatever stirs in me is something like that: maybe longing, maybe hope that one day I'll be one of these together-forever pairs, still swooning after all these years.

Unfortunately, hope and longing don't satisfy me. I want practical guidance, stuff I can do to get results. To that end, I'll call on Karl Pillemer's "experts" for my assignments.

Signs Your Marriage Last - Secrets of Long Marriages

In his book, 30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage , Pillemer culls time-tested wisdom from his experts, aka married couples, so you can make your union last a lifetime, too. You know how important positive thinking is when you're trying to get through a slog of a spinning class? Pillemer's experts don't make that exact comparison, but they do suggest thinking of your marriage as a marathon rather than a sprint.

Lucy, who's been married for 60 years, puts it this way, "Be prepared to come into this relationship for a lifetime. It's the most important decision you'll make in your life. And don't give up to easily. Your partner should respect you, and you should respect your partner.

Positivity bias of Friendship

The end! Going into a long-term relationship believing your partner is in some way better than you or vice versa is toxic. After all, Pillemer notes, marriage is paradoxical: it's "the closest adult relationship most people have" yet "we can hurt the one we love and do so more effectively than in any other relationship. By cherishing one another's individual quirks and admiring one another's strengths. Or a tone of voice.


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Couples who have been together for decades know that listening to one another is crucial toward fostering respect.